Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones
by PeanutsWithCream
Summary: When Fletcher has to go for extra lessons with a girl two years his junior, he chances upon said girl in the Bio lab talking to the lab skeleton... And the skeleton talks back. After this unfortunate discovery, he gets dragged into the dark side of the world by these quirky characters and a few more unorthodox people. Swearing! First fic! Review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones**

******Please enjoy.**

I glared at my watch impatiently. "Where's that damn kid? We were supposed to meet half an hour ago!" I groaned angrily as my best friend Mike sleepily raised his head from his nap. "Go look for her dumbass," Mike yawned in his slumber-induced stupor, rubbing his eyes. "Argh fine, I'll go look for her. I'll come back once I'm done." I grabbed my jacket from its resting place off the back of the library chair and ruffled Mike's chestnut brown hair. "Be gone foul beast…" he groaned into his sleeve, probably trying to sound intimidating (he sounded like a cute green-sweater-wearing chipmunk) and shifted to get a more comfortable position. I laughed a bit and shuffled out of the school library, looking out to spot any first years.

I sighed as I exited the cool air of the library. "Why do I even need these extra lessons? I'm doing perfectly fine!" I argued with myself. But of course, I knew I needed the damn lessons. Failing Chemistry was _not_ a good mark on my grade. "Stupid old bat thinks she's such a good teacher, forcing me to take extra lessons with some child," I muttered as I stormed across the hallways. To top it off, she even mentioned my stupid old dickface of a father. According to her, if I'd only worked hard at my Chemistry, he would love me and praise me and we'd ride off into the sunset together while singing songs about rainbows and happiness and sparkles! How enticing.

I was so focused on my plans to kill that evil old witch- I mean Mrs. Browne of course hehe- that I almost knocked over one of my favourite teachers in the school.

"Hey Fletch! Shouldn't you be meeting with that first year now? Why are you storming around looking like a headless chicken?" Miss. Low laughed a beautiful tinkering laugh. I felt my face go hot. Her blonde hair was circling her face like a halo, her blue eyes shining brightly like two blue gems on her exquisite tan face and the splay of freckles dancing across the bridge of her nose-

"Fletcher? Fletcher, are you okay? Fletcher!" Miss. Low snapped her fingers in front of my face, shocking me out of my reverie. My blush deepened (like it was possible haha) "U-um, hi Miss. Low!" I squeaked. Well then, there goes my bad-boy image sailing out of the window. I hurriedly cleared my voice (while whacking my inner self with a jackhammer and then digging a grave to plonk myself in) and continued, "Yeah, I'm looking for her right now but she seems to have disappeared. Have you happened to see a first year anywhere?" She frowned, her lips pouting in such a way that made me shiver. "Aha!" She pointed her finger in the air. I hurriedly stood back to attention. "I saw a first year walking around the laboratory area just now. You could check there. Maybe you can find someone who knows where your mystery junior went," she smiled at me brightly before flouncing off. "Tata!" I waved my hand weakly, smiling dreamily. Why was Miss. Tanith Low so perfect again?

"Focus damn it! Don't think about hot teachers! Bad Fletcher! Bad Fletcher!" I smacked myself on the cheeks a couple of times before heading to the lab area. Maybe that first year could help me out…

-NYANYANYANYANYANYA-

**Well hello there pretty people. :) I got this idea a year ago but didn't write it down cos I thought it sounded stupid haha. But I'm glad I finally picked up the courage to write. :D Frankly I'm scared shitless that this won't work (I'm new to writing fanfiction sadly) so please don't be mean. :D But any compliments (if I get any) I will gladly accept and any criticisms even more so. :D After all, I am new to this. It's been quite an eye opener. And to all those who are a fan of Mike (he's my character muahahahaha), he might or might not be making another appearance in this fic! Yay I'm such a spoiler. Oh yes and don't worry about the Tanith crush thing. :P It's purely one-sided! (Crap that was an actual spoiler D:) Okie I shall sign off now. :D Goodbye and I hope at least one person will read this. :D Please leave reviews if you wish and have a nice life. :D Oh one last thing: I don't own Skul. Pleasant characters but the plot is mine and so is Mike. (Please like Mike. He's an idiot. I herd people liek idiotz.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello. :) I have stuff to clarify! :O Valkyrie is 13 cos back in my country our secondary school life starts at 13. :P Yuppppp hope I clarified any misunderstandings! :D But the others are the same age except Fletcher who's 15! :D Sorry I changed the age difference… Oh, and thanks to the peeps who reviewed! :D I think I love you guys already. :') Well, without further ado, let's proceed with the story!**

**Skulduggery Pleasant belongs to Derek Landy but Mike and the storyline and further OCs are mineeeeee.**

**Please enjoy. :)  
**

Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones Chapter 2

I stomped my way to the Biology lab area. "Bio Lab… Bio Lab… Why the hell am I even going through so much trouble for this kid again?" I groaned, slapping my face. I felt my phone vibrate in my ass pocket (yes, I like calling it my ass pocket). I fished it out and answered the call. "Yea Mike?" I grinned. "Fletch, I think I'll go home first. You're taking absurdly long," he yawned loudly. I groaned. "Aww come on, aren't we friends? Don't leave me now!" "But… But I'm tired," he whined. "Okay, okay, another 5 minutes alright? I'll just ask the first year to tell my tutor to reschedule our meeting," I bargained. "Fine, but hurry up," Mike snorted before ending the call. I presumed he was going back to sleep again.

All of a sudden I heard some whispering. I quietly pocketed my phone and scuttled to the side of the Bio Lab. The door was surprisingly open. I peered in, searching for the source of the whispering. At the front of the lab, an average-sized girl was poking Mr. Bones (yes, I like to call the Bio Lab skeleton Mr. Bones). She had long dark hair that fell straight on her back. She was wearing dark skinny jeans and a black tee, along with black high-top Converse sneakers. _ Someone's a little too fond of black,_ I smirked to myself.

"He should be here somewhere. We have to find him soon," the girl was saying while she fiddled with the hook at the top of Mr. Bones' head. I craned my neck further, trying to hear the words she was muttering. Unfortunately, I craned just a smidgen too much and ended up falling to the floor in a heap, knocking my elbow against the tiled floor.

"Well hello there," a velvety voice resounded. I looked up, rubbing my elbow. The girl was glaring at me, her dark hair framing her pale face. Her eyes were a smouldering dark brown, the colour of melted chocolate. "Would you care to reveal your identity?" The voice spoke dryly, interrupting my reverie. I looked at the source of the voice. My eyes went wide and the blood rushed from my face, leaving it a ghastly pale white. "Mr. Bones… Why are you talking?" I gulped. The contempt was obvious in his drawl. "My name is Skulduggery Pleasant." He turned his skull to face me. "Do not make me repeat my question." I squeezed my eyes shut and let out an extremely girlish scream.

* * *

"SHUT UP DAMMIT!" I creaked open one eye and promptly shut my mouth. My father crashed into my bedroom and threw a newspaper at my face. "You know how hard it is to sleep with you making such a racket?!" He slurred angrily, waving his arms about like a maniacal spider. "Don't let me hear you screaming again, is that clear?" He narrowed his eyes angrily at me. "Yes father," I inwardly rolled my eyes as he stumbled out of the room and slammed the door shut. My fingers poked at the old ratty blanket. "Wait a minute… What the hell am I doing back home?!" I realized with a gasp. I couldn't have run back home in such a short span of time. How the hell did I get here?

My phone rang, interrupting my thought process. "Hello?" I answered, putting all thoughts of my mysterious reappearance at my house aside. "Fletch, you said you'd meet me at the library ten minutes ago! Are you still in school?" I smiled. "Sorry man, I'm already home. It's really weird. I'll tell you tomorrow." I could almost hear him frown. "Well, if you say so. Did you find the first year you were supposed to meet?" "Yeah I did, and it was even weirder than what I expected." I answered, a shiver running down my spine as I thought of the strange girl and the talking Mr. Bones (or should I say Skulduggery Pleasant… but I prefer calling him Mr. Bones).

"I see… Your life is really strange." Mike chuckled from the other end. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" I laughed. "Of course you will, silly Fletchie. I'll bring cake!" With that, Mike ended the call. I put my phone away and resumed my thinking. _It's impossible to even do such a thing…_ I slapped my face twice. "Snap out of it Fletcher!" I scolded myself. _It's definitely a dream. Yes, I must be dreaming! I'm just dreaming about the talking skeleton and the strange girl! _I laughed to myself quietly. _But seriously, I should keep this to myself, just in case anyone decides to wrap me up in a straightjacket and ship me right off to Arkham Asylum._ _Perhaps a good hot shower would help. _I grabbed a towel and a change of clothes before heading off to the bathroom.

NYANYANYANYANYANYANYA

**Well hello there. Again. :DD Wahhhhhh sorry for disappearing for so long! D: I was reallllllly busy cos I had like 5 tests last week and this week. Hee hee. Yes yes I know "THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE RAWR!" but yeah, best I could offer. (TT^TT) Please don't kill me. Anyway I'll be uploading 2 chapters this week to make up for it! :D Okieee bye for now (I'm sorry I had too much candy).**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone! :D As promised, this is the third chapter! :D Please enjoy!**

**SP is Derek Landy's and Mike, storyline and Mike belong to Peanut!**

Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones Chapter 3

_A silhouette perched itself on the edge of the Big Ben. My body moved by itself, slinking closer to the silhouette. Its skin was a gruesome bluish purple, almost akin to a bruise and was covered in razor sharp spikes. Its claws were sharpened like butcher's knives, poised and ready for the kill. It turned to me and bared its yellow teeth. Its jaw was hanging on only by a few shredded tendons which looked as if they would tear any second. "When I come for you, Fletcher Renn, not even the skeleton detective can save you!" It cackled and pounced at me, aiming its claws straight for my face. I screamed._

* * *

"Whoa! Whoo boy." I sprung up straight on my bed, breathing heavily. I patted my tee shirt and grimaced. It was covered in sweat. _Well, this is the last time I sleep with a shirt on._ I looked down onto my bed. The covers were strewn around everywhere. Wait a minute. I checked the clock. "Oh. Crap." 7.30 already?! I immediately scrambled out of bed, grabbing a towel, a pair of still wearable jeans, a shirt and well- other stuff (take the hint! –blush-). I hurriedly ran towards the bathroom to shower and clean my teeth.

* * *

After a very quick shower (hey, 10 minutes isn't very long to gel up my hair), I hurriedly tugged my jeans and shirt on. After a quick glance at my reflection (which looked pretty good might I tell you), I dashed out of the bathroom and stuffed all the items that I might need for the day into my school bag. I tugged on my navy blue sneakers and rushed off to school. Thank goodness I only live about 10 minutes away.

As I jogged to school, I checked my phone for any text messages from Mike or anyone else who would care to talk to me. As expected, there were about 15 of them. A third of them were from Mike, who was proudly proclaiming that his cake was absolutely delicious. I grinned widely and was about to reply him to give me some of the cake when i bumped into someone. I expected to knock them to the floor on accident, but they did something entirely unexpected. A hand shot out, grabbed my leg and flipped me onto the ground. A knee was pressed right below my Adam's apple, making me swallow awkwardly. My arms were pinned to the ground by small hands and dark hair obscured my sight. I cowered slightly, tightly squeezing my eyes shut.

"... Oh. It's you. The boy who screamed." An emotionless voice sounded. The pressure on my elbows and the weight pressing on my abdomen released. I cracked open an eye. The strange girl from yesterday was brushing invisible dust from her clothes. She was wearing a black tee shirt again, only this time it had a penguin on it. She was also wearing a pair of dark akinny jeans again, along with the same black high-top sneakers that she was wearing yesterday. _Seems like someone's too fond of black, _I smirked. To my surprise, she blushed angrily before stomping on my fingers with her shoe. Oh, I said that out loud. Oops. As I gingerly massaged my injured fingers, she smirked back at me and snickered, "Says Mr. My-socks-don't-match." I looked down in horror. Yep, one of my socks was nice, plain white while the other had pink unicorns on it. I blushed furiously. She chuckled one more time and walked off. I gaped at her. "Aren't you going to help me up?" I shouted after her. She ignored me. I sighed and pushed myself off the pavement. _Today's definitely going to be a long day..._ I sighed before heading back to school.

* * *

I swaggered straight into class, fashionably almost on time as usual. The usual crowd of course, came down to my seat. "Hey Fletch, do you understand this problem? I really don't know how to solve it," a blonde girl came up to me and rubbed herself against my arm. I shivered in disgust. "Sure, Mary." I smiled and took out my homework. To my surprise, she ran off crying. I stared after her, bewildered. "Why do you always call these girls Mary? They have perfectly normal names." Mike sighed from beside me. I grinned and ruffled his hair. "It isn't my fault they keep trying to get into my pants." He waved my hands away and passed me a box. "Cake. Tell me what happened yesterday after school alright?" He smiled before slouching back to his seat (probably to nap). I settled into my seat again and waited for the school day to be over. "By the way, that girl's name was Nina," Mike shouted to me before going back to sleep as my thoughts went back to the strange girl in black.

NYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYAN YANYA

**HELLO! :D See, I did deliver my promise! You can trust Peanut! :D Ahhhh I hope this met your expectations! :) Yup, the fic's main antagonist has appeared! :O Next chapter will be up next week! :D**

**Signing off,  
**

**Peanut  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys. :/ Do you guys hate me? Haha, cos the last few author's notes are really high (the coke high). I really am like this in real life though so please don't hate me. :( Oh yes. I really hate doing this, but if you like the story or you hate it, please tell me! D: I need encouragement to keep doing this story. Unless you'd prefer if I sunk off the face of this earth, in which case, screw you (I'm just kidding please don't hurt me), please do leave a review or a message. :) With all that's said and done, it really is up to you whether you want to review or not. :/ I'm a strong believer in "to each his own", but I'd really appreciate it if you do leave one. :) Thanks! :D**

**Skul. P is owned by the great Landy himself. Only Mike and the storyline belong to me!**

Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones Chapter 4

I stared out of the window again during Mrs. Browne's Chemistry class for the sixth time. I couldn't help it. The strange dream and the strange Irish kid kept haunting my mind. That, coupled with the fact that I probably only had about an hour's worth of sleep last night. numbed my mind, not allowing it to absorb any vital information about the Periodic Table. I sighed and shifted my focus back to the front, only to find a piece of chalk flying straight at my face.

I dodged it like a pro ninja while Mrs. Browne screamed her head off. "FLETCHER RENN! WHY ARE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN MY CLASS? WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE SENT OUT TO MEET THE PRINCIPAL?" She waddled up to me, eyeing me up dangerously. "I hear that you "skipped out" on yesterday's meeting with Stephanie. What's wrong with you? You're wasting everyone's time, including your own. I am disappointed with you Fletcher," she frowned. I just continued staring out of the window (I really should start digging my own grave). "Okay, that's it. Fletcher, out of the class. Now." I rolled my eyes and strolled out.

Once I was out of the classroom, I headed to the restroom and slumped against one of the cubicle doors. I sighed and rested my head against my arms. "What am I supposed to do?" I groaned out loud. I punched the wall in frustration. "Talking skeletons, Irish girls, strange dreams. This is so confusing!" I sat up straight. "Maybe… Maybe if I go find Skeleton Man, I'd get answers!" I checked the time. "It's lunch now. No one should be using the labs. 5 minutes should be enough," I told myself while pushing my body off the floor. I peeked out of the restroom, relieved to find that the hallway was practically empty except for a strange scar-faced janitor I'd certainly never seen before. I walked out of the restroom and headed towards the laboratory area.

* * *

Once I neared the Biology laboratory, I peeked from behind the door. The coast was clear. Mr. Bones was tied to the post and was situated in the front of the lab like usual. I entered the room cautiously, just like James Bond- but my hair was much better of course. "This is too easy," I chuckled to myself before striding towards the skeleton. I raised my finger and poked Mr. Bones right between the eyes.

He didn't respond. I frowned. "Mr. Bones?" I asked, poking him twice more on the face. I was about to poke him again when something whistled past my ear (missing my cheek by a hair) and landed on the cork board. I looked closely. Was that… a dagger?

I fell on my back, scrambling away from the sharp pointy thing but I felt another sharp pointy thing at the base of my neck. "How do you know?" A soft feminine voice breathed in my ear as the dagger shifted closer to my throat. I gulped. That voice sounded familiar. "Ms. Low?" I squeaked, the dagger already making tiny nicks on my neck. "How do you know who Skulduggery Pleasant is? Tell me!" The voice shouted this time right in my ear as the dagger pressed further into my neck. I choked slightly. _This is it. Goodbye Mike. I'm sorry I couldn't taste your cake._ I squeezed my eyes tight. _Hope this is painless._

"That's enough, Tanith." I blinked open my eyes to find the pressure on my neck had been released. Ms. Low was no longer trying to carve me to death. Instead, she stood to the side, fingering her sharp dagger. "But he's discovered us! He has to die! We need to find that person fast, or that monster would kill us first!" She made a move to stab me, but not before the lab cupboard door opened and a dusty skeleton dressed in a fine suit tumbled out. He brushed the dirt off his suit before placing on a hat. He reached out a bony hand to me, pulling me off the ground. He regarded me with empty eye sockets curiously. "This boy… He's special. He might be the one we're looking for." He turned towards Ms. Low. She angrily plucked her dagger off the cork board and sheathed both of them. "Fine. Do what you want. Can't go against the Detective after all," she rolled her eyes before stepping to the side.

"What's going on? Why is my teacher trying to kill me? What exactly are you? Am I dead? What is going on?" I heard the words come out from my mouth. "We are going to die. I thought you were an enemy but apparently you're not. This skeleton here is Detective Skulduggery Pleasant. He works for the Elders. I am Tanith Low. I kill criminals and evil things who threaten national security. I'm impersonating a teacher as we're here to find the last Teleporter on earth. We are going to die. Does that answer your questions?" Ms. Low blew on her fingernails lightly. My jaw dropped. "You're a killer? What is going on?" I cried.

"We have reason to believe that you are the one we are looking for. The last Teleporter on earth," the Detective told me. "However, we have only seen your powers in action once. Perhaps we should test you." He nodded. Ms. Low unsheathed her dagger and threw it at me at lightning speed. I screamed and thought of home just after a bony hand grabbed my wrist.

* * *

I panted slightly. _Second time that happened._ I opened my eyes and realized I was staring into large, empty sockets. I was about to kick the Detective off when he pushed himself off the ground and dusted himself off. "Do you have any tea?" He queried while browsing through my father's bookcase. I looked around. It was my home alright, with Mr. Fishy the goldfish swimming in his little bowl and Planty, my pet fern. The house was in a mess. I felt rather embarrassed, but I felt really awkward as well. "Can you even drink tea?" I raised an eyebrow, trying to act cool. The Detective stopped browsing. "True enough. Come, sit." He gestured to the sofa lightly, almost as if _I_ was the one intruding. Offended, I plopped myself down and waited for him to sit.

"Fletcher, I think my theory is correct. You are the one we've been waiting for. The last Teleporter on earth," Mr. Pleasant stared at me with his empty eye sockets. I felt my world come crashing down. "I'm not human?" I felt my heart drop. "Not exactly _not human_ per se… You just have additional abilities. I don't know your family background, but I do know that it is probable that your family has magic blood," Mr. Pleasant continued, bony hand patting me on the back lightly. "So, down to the important business. As you have heard, Tanith mentioned something about a monster just now. This monster does not have a name, as we have never seen it before. However, it's usually known as The Silent Killer as it kills without making a noise. We've never seen one before, but it appears to be after all the Teleporters in the world. Currently, there's only one Teleporter left. And that person, is you Fletcher Renn. You are the only person who can defeat this thing. Our hope is pinned on you. Will you join us?" Mr. Pleasant asked. I couldn't process anything he was saying. "I think I'm going to faint," I informed him politely. "Please don't, this matter is imp-" My eyes rolled back and I felt myself descend into blackness.

**Hello again! :D My exams are coming in… 4 weeks! I have to get down to studying soon. Yes yes. Studying. I think I'm going to fail, but I have to do better because I have to live up to someone's standard. :/ Oh and I did miserably for my essay. But apparently I made the teacher cry because it was touching. Awkward. But never mind. I'm not particularly good at writing. I hope this met your expectations! :) See you next week!**

**Signing off,**  
**Peanut the Awesome**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys! :D It's my end-of-term holidays! I have 18 pieces of homework and end-of-year examinations (what am I doing with my life).But it's like 9 pm now, so I'll write something! :D Please enjoy! :)**

**Skulduggery Pleasant belongs to Derek Landy.**

I sat up blearily in my bed, the room spinning before my eyes. I shook my head to clear it, yawning widely.

_What happened yesterday? _The memories of Mr. Pleasant flashed through my mind. _Oh yeah, I fainted. I wonder how I got up here._ Shrugging slightly, I stretched and took a glance out of the window.

The sun hadn't even risen yet. I checked the clock on my bedside cabinet. It was so dark, I almost couldn't spot the clock, but thankfully the glow-in-the-dark clown statue helped illuminate it for me.

"Great, it's only 5.30. Only about 2 hours left before I have to head off to school," I mumbled sarcastically to myself.

Wait a minute. Since when did I have a glowing clown on my bedside table?! I shoved a fist into my mouth to stop myself from crying out loud. What if… What if it's a bomb?! My legs quivered as I tiptoed back to the clown. I picked it up gingerly, its creepy smile lighting up the darkness of my room. Oh! A note was attached to its foot. I read it carefully.

_Dear Fletcher Renn_

_Please forgive me for throwing two daggers at you yesterday. If it makes you feel better, the first one was so sharp, it would have killed you in a second. The second one was coated in a deadly poison so you would have died in ten seconds. This statue is compensation for almost killing you yesterday. Hopefully we would be able to work together again in the near future. _

_Regards_

_T.L._

I stared at the note in disbelief. Her idea of reconciliation was a glow-in-the-dark clown and a poorly-written note on how lucky I was to have survived her attacks. The beautiful angel I had envisioned when I first met Ms. Tanith Low had transformed into some scary murderous demon with incredible aim. I quietly opened my cabinet, stuffing the clown in with my collection of Batman comics and other miscellaneous items. I sighed in relief and turned around, only to meet a pale face and dark hair brushing my cheeks. This time, I did scream.

Small hands immediately covered my mouth.

"SHH!" The pale face whispered angrily, her dark hair obscuring her face.

In my panic, I licked her palms to get her hands off my face. She shivered slightly, but didn't let go until I stopped wriggling.

"Who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you in my bloody room?!" I breathed heavily.

She sat herself down comfortably before replying.

"I am Valkyrie Cain. I was supposed to tutor you in Chemistry and you saw me with Skulduggery at the lab," She answered me softly, grimacing at the saliva coating her hands.

"Clean them."

She shoved her palms in my face. I sighed and used my blanket to clean off the saliva.

"You were the one who was supposed to tutor me in Chemistry? You never showed up at the library! I got screwed half over by Mrs. Browne thanks to your absence." I glared witheringly at her.

She just flipped her dark hair over her shoulder and frowned, "Skulduggery called me out to discuss the Silent Killer. I can't just leave the mission for some kid who can't understand the bonding of table salt."

As the sun rose, it sent rays of light dancing across her hair. Her eyes were still the colour of freshly melted chocolate and her soft Irish lilt was pleasant to my ears. She was wearing a dark coat made of some strange material, along with black trousers and black leather boots.

She glared at me and slapped me on the thigh. Ouch.

"Stop staring like a goldfish you dolt." I opened my mouth to object but she continued, "Skulduggery told me to come over and watch you. He said you had fainted like a wimp. I dragged you up here and watched over you for about the whole night, but I went down to have some water and you woke up. Tanith passed me the clown as an apology for almost killing you and perhaps for missing you the first time."

I stared at her in amazement. I opened my mouth to ask her how the bloody hell she managed to drag me up 3 flights of stairs but she silenced me by saying, "So you're the last Teleporter on earth now. How's it like?"

I paused. _How did I feel?_

"Well, it feels rather strange. I've always thought of myself as a normal human being, but now I'm apparently some magical person, like a fairy princess or a better-looking Harry Potter. Speaking of magical things, what do you do? Are you like Mr. Pleasant too?"

She bristled slightly at the Harry Potter reference. Maybe she thought Daniel Radcliffe was really hot or something.

"Daniel Radcliffe isn't that ugly! Anyway, I'm somewhat like him, I suppose. We can both control the 4 elements- air, water, fire and earth. See?" She snapped her fingers and a small ball of fire erupted in the air above her fingers before fading away. I stared at her fingers, mesmerized by her magical abilities. She checked her watch and hmm'ed softly before pushing herself off the floor and heading to the windowsill.

"Well then, this has been a pleasant conversation Mr. Renn. Please consider joining us; we really need you. Goodbye." With that, she lifted the windowpane up and jumped off the ledge.

I rushed after her hastily. After all, my bedroom was on the fourth floor. I didn't want to see bits of Valkyrie Cain all over the sidewalk. However, when I looked down, she was already running down the pavement, dark hair streaming behind her. I smiled softly at her retreating figure before heading off to the washroom.

* * *

After a nice warm shower, I carefully styled up my hair again. Thank goodness I still had an allowance. My dad wasn't that much of an asshole. I traipsed down the stairs. I was feeling rather pleased at the world just then, and so, decided to make some coffee for my dad as a thank-you present for forming half of me.

"Your coffee's done! I'm off to school now!" I yelled and put my black sneakers on.

I puffed my chest out proudly at my reflection. _Man, I look good._ I wore a navy blue tee and a black track jacket over it, along with jeans and sneakers. I had to dress warmly as the weather forecast had predicted a heavy snowstorm when I checked just now (I really don't know why there's a snowstorm in the middle of autumn. It was positively burning just yesterday). My hair was styled up to perfection again as always. Pushing up my sleeves to the elbows **(AN: I really love it when guys do that. I don't know why. D: Peanut is a crazy peanut.)**, I grabbed my schoolbag and left the house.

I was happy that I wore my jacket. Shivering slightly, I pulled my sleeves down and rubbed my frozen palms as the wind blew again. I had definitely overestimated the weather. It was freezing cold and everyone seemed to agree. Most of them were in winter coats or jackets like me. I was about to text Mike when someone tapped me on the back. It was Valkyrie again. She had changed to a navy hoodie and a black tee, along with black jeans and navy sneakers.

Hey, we match. "You're right. We do." She glanced at her outfit in disbelief.

I blushed. Crud, I said that out loud.

"Well, at least I'm not wearing so much black anymore," she smiled.

Her teeth were glinting in the sunlight and her eyes sparkled. She looked… Beautiful.

"Keep smiling." I blurted out.

She stared at me, eyebrow raised questioningly.

"I m-mean you umm… You kinda… Yeah… Youlookkindagood." I stammered out, looking frantically for something else to stare at.

"… Okay…?" She muttered, a slight blush tinting her pale cheeks.

In my mind, I was already sprinkling the ashes of my sexy bad-boy image onto the ground. I think we've established that sexy Fletcher is well and truly dead. A moment of silence please.

"W-well, I umm, have to go… Yeah."

Her soft voice shook me out of my reverie and before I knew it, she had sprinted off, leaving me to mope in the dust. _Fletcher Renn_, my mind sighed,_ you are one screwed up kid. _I adjusted my bag before picking up the pace to school, wondering why my cheeks felt so hot and why my heart hammered so fast in my chest.

**And…. That's that! Oh yeah. There was a really bad word in this one. ;) Hope no one minded haha. If you'd like, I'll put a warning before the actual chapter. :D I'll try my best to lessen the appearance of such words! Finally, some interaction with Fletcher-bullying yay! :D Fletcher-bullying is fun. I thought this chapter seems kinda weird. It didn't glue together as easily as I thought it would. I guess romance isn't my genre? What do you guys think? Hmm. Anyway, thanks for reading and please leave a review if you want to cos I'm totally fine with you not reviewing I won't just hide in a corner and cry tears of pain and start cutting myself or whatnot hahahahahaha. But seriously, it's fine if you don't review. I'd just feel unappreciated and sad. :( And this by far has been the longest chapter I've written! Hope you've enjoyed it and have a swell day (this is me pretending to be British… even though I'm not even close to being English except for it being my 1****st**** language)! Oh yes and I'm planning to start a new fic for CandlestickShipping (Steven Stone and Flannery). Should I? I have the first chapter written!**

**PS: British/Irish people, please don't kill me for desecrating anything or writing anything wrong. I'm just a sad foreveralone kid who wants to go to Britain one day and study. Anyway yeah. Please don't get mad. I don't take Geography so I really don't know what London and Ireland are like. Really sorry if I messed anything up. :) Okieeeee byeeeeeee.**

**Hugs and virtual kisses,  
Peanut**


	6. Chapter 6

** Hey all! :D Peanut here. My exams are coming, so I will be going on a hiatus for 3 or 4 weeks so I can study haha. D: So, enjoy this chapter and please review! This chapter will not have any extremely bad words!**

**PS: Onyx Sprita, I love you. TTvTT Let's be friends (Lord knows I need some D:). :D**

**Skulduggery Pleasant belongs to Derek Landy. **

**Talking Skeletons and Broken Bones 6**

Valkiyrie's POV

I walked faster than I usually did, trying to hide my burning face with my hoodie. Stupid Teleporter. I kicked at the pavement in frustration. His strange, coiffed hair, his blue eyes, even his stupid shoes were burned into my mind. _He said I looked good._ At that thought, my face flushed a darker shade of red. I shook my head to clear it and ran all the way to school.

Once I neared the gates, I could sense something was wrong. The entire school was eerily silent. No one was running about the school, no one was in the courtyard throwing paper balls at each other. Not even the old grumpy security guard was there at his post. No birds chirped at all. I checked my watch uneasily. _I'm not particularly early,_ I noted Heck, I was almost late. Where was everybody? I quietly walked into the school, ears pricked to pick out any slight disturbances.

Even the hallways were empty of students. The couples who were usually there licking each others' faces off weren't there. The prats from football weren't there either. Strange. Usually they would be flirting with some girl with half of her chest exposed to the world or shoving some poor scrawny kid into the lockers. Even the teachers were nowhere to be found. Where was Tanith? Some lockers were swinging open and papers were drifting about everywhere. I felt something clench in my gut. _Where is everybody? _I felt the uneasiness settle in the bottom of my stomach. I cautiously crept to my locker and opened it.

In the next moment, I was airborne. I landed onto the ground in a crumpled heap. Immediately, I felt my shoulder pull right out of its socket. Crud. Why didn't I wear my protective clothing today? I grimaced slightly as I stumbled up, pushing the shoulder back with a bit of force. I cracked my neck slightly and snapped my fingers. A ball of fire appeared in my splayed palms.

All of a sudden, I landed against the lockers with a loud thud. My newly healed shoulder screamed in protest. This thing was too fast. I staggered around, looking for any blind spots when I was slammed against the lockers again, this time with much more force.

White spots danced before my eyes.

"Where is he?" a voice hissed right into my ear, slamming me back into the lockers again for good measure.

"Where is the Teleporter?!" The voice came again.

I groaned slightly. Fletcher Renn, the source of all my problems this year.

"Why do you think I'll tell you?" I glared angrily, a cut above my eye starting to bleed.

The thing just hiss-giggled (think of giggling, only it's being hissed) and dropped me onto the floor. I staggered up, trying to anticipate where it was coming from. "Where is he? Tell me and I'll let you off!" The voice hissed from behind me.

I immediately threw a punch at the lockers behind me, but I didn't manage to hit anything, only bruising my knuckles for all my effort. Great. I had been in the magic business for almost a few months now and I was getting my ass kicked by some hissy monster.

The bastard just hiss-giggled at my futile attempts to hit it. My temper flared. How dare this- this _thing_ laugh at me?! I summoned balls of fire and threw them wildly in every direction.

"It's no use, I'm too fast for you!" It giggled again and threw me onto the ground, knocking out all my breath.

My back felt like it was being set aflame, white hot flashes of pain burning through my spine. Damn. I tried to move, but my legs weren't responding. I struggled slightly, trying to get my body to at least twitch. The thing stopped in front of my face and hiss-giggled, revealing its butt-ugly features to me.

It was a cloud of dust, features weaving in and out of each face. Really hard to describe, but imagine a tornado of dust with your uncle Festus's face disappearing in and out of the dust storm. It was in the vague shape of a man, and was even wearing a pair of heart-printed boxers around his waist area. I don't know why it wore that. Did it even have anything to cover up? I would have laughed at its appearance if I wasn't paralyzed on the floor and if it wasn't about to kill me.

"Valkyrie Cain, you are a very amusing plaything. I would love to tear you to pieces and feed on your soul, but alas, my master requires your information on where the last Teleporter is. He would like to make… Acquaintances with him." I could almost hear the smirk in its voice.

I was just about to make a smart comeback when a cold voice answered, "I'm right here," and proceeded to bash the thing up with a broken table leg.

Fletcher Renn was there in all of his glory, hitting and whacking and teleporting in and out of the monster's sight. The monster was confused, trying to hit Fletcher back, but he was too fast for it. I laughed to myself ironically. We had planned to protect him, but it seemed to me that he didn't need any help protecting himself. Meanwhile, Fletcher was beating the shit out of poor Mr. Gust-o-Wind, who was still as lost.

Finally, Mr. Gust-o-Wind had enough. "I'll be back for you Fletcher Renn!" He squealed, not a trace of smugness left in its voice. It twirled around twice before promptly disappearing in thin air.

Fletcher ran over to me.

"Oh my bloody- are you okay, Val? I'm so sorry I'm late oh no and now you're hurt and what do I do oh crap can you move why are you on the floor are you hurt do you need-"he panicked slightly, running his hands through his hair.

I nodded my head to my schoolbag, lying just a few meters away from my semi-paralyzed state.

"Call… Skul…" I managed to croak out, each breath getting more painful than the last.

He nodded and zipped open my bag, grabbing my phone. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Fletcher running to me in slow motion and people covered in pink slime stream out of the classrooms. A pair of strong arms encircled my body as I plunged into unconsciousness.

**And… Done! :D How was it? Please let me know! :D Like I said just now, I'll be off FF for about 3 or 4 weeks as my exams are coming up. In fact I should be sleeping now. There is school tomorrow. D: I sure hope it rains! :D Rain is nice. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and see you in 3 weeks!**

**Update: I tweaked this chapter a bit! Please read it again D: In fact, I think I might tweak everything a bit. Hmm. Should I, or should I leave it as it is now? :O  
**

**Signing off**

**Peanut the Sexy**


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